Luxury or Necessity? Money Psychology.

As I sit down to write, suddenly all kinds of things come to my attention: that pile of mail in the corner, the dishes in the sink, the pile of unsorted winter and summer shoes, etc. At one time, about two years, whatever mess was made by our toddler son at the time, was a lovely opportunity to practice not letting the external circumstance cause anxiety. Woosaaaaaa.

And I’m here to say, I’m anxiety-free! But with that freedom come certain….other responsibilities. Now that the kids are a little older, after two decluttering purges, the mess, in the form of random toys, dishes and other non-sense, is still there, but I have now grown past it, hence my conundrum.

CLUTTER=OVERWHELM.

So what gives? After doing hours of research on minimalism, how to declutter, how to only keep things that serve you and so on, it is still not enough. I would guess, but I can’t swear by this, that if  this was my case two years ago, I’d be happy to clean things up constantly, do some more research on how to be more organized and dive head-first into this project. At this point though, I cannot justify such a project any longer. My business and the kids whining and desperate for attention seem to be more important.

So what is the tipping point of when we start recognizing that our time is valuable? Almost like the “time is money” phrase, it must be used on important things, things for either securing our future, our kids’ future, our health, personal development, and our career/business. When is it no longer just a “luxury” to hire a cleaning service, a home organizer, prepped meals or an assistant? Because if we are to be growing, certain things will either hold us back, like me spending over an hour each day cleaning and tidying instead of working on my business or spending time with my kids or husband or just freaking relaxing!? Or that business owner doing his or her own bookkeeping daily and missing dinner with the family?

These “luxury” services or items are what would actually help us grow, that is of course if we are able to give up that control. As a recovering control freak, I can tell you that the time I now spend cleaning up is no longer enjoyable and instead I keep thinking of something more productive or meaningful to do.

Say you have a project to complete or follow up calls to make or to apply to new jobs weekly till you find the right one, which is more important, cleaning and tidying 5-10 hours per week or spending it on the above? Because the mess may be never-ending, but life is still passing with each minute.

The little voice that used to say, “such services are a waste of money, if you can do it yourself, don’t be lazy and do it” is still there, but I am determined to shush it. SHUSH!

I AM NO YOGI.

I wanted so badly to be at peace with the home environment, whether it’s neat or not. But, I must admit, hesitantly, that I am no yogi or zen master. I am simply not there yet (but please check back in five years’ time). So while the mess or clutter of everyday is not going anywhere and I value other things instead of cleaning up all the time now, for hours at a time, I’m going to outsource. Whether I decide to hire a cleaning service or an organizer, I know that the professional will help me achieve total home organization much faster than I would, and it’s already been two years with little success.

New plan: outsource to a service for that which I suck at, free up time and relieve overwhelm, get more done for work and get to spend more time with the kids and the family. So simple. Right? Changing our beliefs can either be slow and painful or instantaneous (I prefer the painful route).

MONEY PSYCHOLOGY.

The choice is ours: be efficient or be stingy. It also comes to light that spending on things we aren’t used to is very difficult, unless we change the way we feel about money. For many of us in debt or just coming out of it or coming from poor or stingy families, it can hardly be justified to spend money on more than necessities. Then again, a tv or cable isn’t a necessity, yet most of us have it. If you take anything away from this post, it should be this: when making a decision to spend on an item or a service, ask yourself, what is it costing me? And what would it cost me NOT to spend on this? We usually don’t see the value being lost.

News flash: money is useless. it’s just a piece of paper (or electronic wire transfer, whatever). It doesn’t give you love, it has no feelings and it doesn’t keep you warm at night. MONEY IS A TOOL, a vehicle to help you get what you really want and value, whatever will make your life easier or more fulfilling. Those who realize this will suddenly see many new possibilities available to them that weren’t there before.

Live simply, live fully.

Peace and Love,

Tiffany Olson

 

Why I failed.

Failure. The word itself is a negative representation of an event that we all must face at one time or another. For many of us, multiple times. Ironically, it’s a blessing and a tool, if used correctly.

I failed. I failed my family and most importantly, myself. Did I have this huge breakdown, throwing away everything I’ve worked so hard for in the past year? Not exactly. It was more of a slow and painful death-like existence.

How did I fail: I set out, fully determined, to develop a well-functioning coaching business over a year ago. As goes with all successful entrepreneurs, I was in white hot action! Super excited, giddy and jumping out of bed every morning. What a feeling! Bet you most people forgot what that even feels like in relation to their job. But I found it!

I was quite good as a coach, with some  natural abilities already in my arsenal and started learning more and more, applying it at the same time. Sure, I didn’t have the professional structure yet, but I was loving every minute of it, and seeing my clients’ life-changing, tangible results.

Then, about 7 months in, I started hesitating. Yes, I had great results from over a 100 single sessions and had a few paying clients, but that wasn’t enough.

Here’s the thing that happens to 99% of new entrepreneurs. They seek support from their loved ones, just in the form of optimism and emotional encouragement. Do they get it? Heck no! Rarely! And I was no different.

Now, I am in no way blaming the well-meaning peers and family members. Intellectually, I completely understand that they want us to be whole and don’t want to see us get hurt. But emotionally, it’s still a hard pill to swallow.

It’s also so sneaky. I didn’t realize what was happening till recently. Oh and to add to this, the lovely exercise of cold calling and facing multiple “rejections” didn’t help the situation.

Now, I won’t reveal who this person is that I apparently had such an attachment to, hint: we live together and it’s a male between 10 and 36 yrs old.

This attachment to my wish for support was so strong and yet invisible to me, I started preoccupying myself with anything that wouldn’t make any headway in my business and simultaneously sabotaging the things that were actually working for me. I stopped writing, I stopped calling, I stopped networking. My only saving grace were those handful of clients. They were the ones keeping me in the game, who I would run through a brick wall for no matter what.

But ultimately, I failed. Why? Because of that little voice, the one we always have, that kept saying, “you better stay low, no need to upset the peaceful household again with the changes.”

Where does that voice come from? Where do they all come from? Our beliefs. Those deep-seeded, long-time-ago-created beliefs. Those that were instilled in us, by us, from our perception of the world, the media, our parents, and our interpretation of it all.

Limiting Beliefs, more accurately, are those that prevent us from moving forward in life. Those are the ones that speak to us when we have an opportunity for growth. “I am not enough, why would I even try that”, “if I leave my job I will lose myself and my identity”, “if I don’t cook or clean all day, my family won’t love me”, and so on.

Seems kind of simple and ridiculous, right?

Well…the human brain can be pretty simple and ridiculous.

I say that with love and encouragement. Because once we realize how simply our brains operate, we can as simply change ourselves for the better. Although, a 2nd perspective is most helpful.

Now, back to my point; I failed!! Yes!!! I have reached that low point that every entrepreneur dreads but should be excited about! Tiffany, now you sound ridiculous, you may think. Yes, I read minds, too.

Imagine hearing the following daily:

… “If I go full force in business, he won’t love me and I will cause my family to fall apart.”

That was my little voice, that I subconsciously listened to for the past 7 months. It was painful to know this on a semi-conscious level but feel helpless in getting past it and finding a solution. It was even more painful to look at and admit those words to myself and out loud to my peers, the kind of pain that most people would avoid for decades and keep going in circles in their comfort zone, stagnant and half-dead inside.

If I would allow this belief to live in me, I would end up serving its evil master, the LIE of it. I would be in a self-made prison.

Like Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, where there are prisoners chained in a cave, and they see shadows , those cast from the sun by the passers-by outside. But the prisoners don’t know where the shadows come from, so they give shadows names and consider them to be reality. Miraculously, some prisoners break free and see the sun and the people outside, but they are too afraid to move out because of fear of the uncertainty of the outcome.

It’s like a gravitational pull of the old, comfortable cave was sucking them back in.

That’s where I was. Caught, or rather self-placed, in that spot, between truth and fulfillment and held back by that fear, that belief I mentioned above.

As I wrote the above, I’m happy to say I feel nothing. Which means it has loosened its hold on me once it was discovered (and I have the help of multiple coaches working with me). Once these beliefs are discovered, and I’m sure I will discover more as I do the hard work of it, they cease to have power over us. As I now experience.

A secret is only powerful and crippling as long as it’s kept a secret.

So I failed. So what. This is awesome! Maybe renaming the event would be more appropriate, discovering the sun’s existence and having the courage to step out of that cave, that once-comfortable and no longer fulfilling cave of a home. Ok, I can’t come up with a different name for it, but maybe you could. Make it your own. Embrace it. Learn from it. And most importantly, SHARE it.

I am power. I am enough. I can.

With love,

Tiffany Olson